I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
