***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
