I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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