then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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