I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
