i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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