the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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