he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
