so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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