he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
