Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
NoShamevember. You game?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
