i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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