someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
