I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
