He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize