It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
