i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
