I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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