ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
