When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
