his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I just put wine in my tea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
