just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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