don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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