FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize