Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
