and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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