what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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