im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
