Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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