he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
