if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
did i just pee glitter
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
