Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize