: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
