u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
