I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
