Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
