Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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