My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im holly from the hills drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This baby is an asshole
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
