I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
