your parents love me but you hate me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize