Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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