I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
