Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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