Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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