Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
