this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
