I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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