Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
