saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
