Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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