I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
