When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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