i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
