He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
