She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
