Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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