the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
