Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
