I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
