I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
