the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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