Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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