she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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